I am back. It has been a long road. This time the outcome I wanted happened, but not in the way that I wanted it to and I am stuck in the meantime in-between time. It is a very uncomfortable place to be. And I am at the end of all I know yet again. I honestly thought that this time I would know how to act and react while expecting my miracle, but alas I do not. I am trying. I am much older this time around and things seem a bit more daunting.
My vantage point is different. I am not as hopeful as I thought I should be. Or as I thought I would be. Or maybe as I could be. As yes I know that I am breaking a cardinal rule by shoulding, woulding, and coulding myself. Insert grace here because I definitely need it. I am extending it to myself without judgment this time. That was a lesson well learnt.
I am trying to look at things from a different vantage point. Actually, I cannot help it. I am not the same person I was even last week. I am evolving. I am doing my best to pay attention to the good stuff, to expect my miracle, to breathe deeply, and to honestly pay attention to the beat of my unique drum as well as my heart.